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Where Am I ?

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M I X E Y View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 13 2010 at 11:52pm
Jeff, Geno & Toad...
 
I appreciate your words and support so much; and I would hope that we can all use this thread in a personal way.  We're in this life together, after all!
 
Much Love,
Mixey
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gene_Leone_Mix Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 30 2010 at 2:49pm
Hi Mixey,
Remembering Trav, especially today,
and sending some warm thoughts and love.
~Much Much Love,
Geno
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 01 2010 at 3:01am
Thanks Geno,

Travis would have been 32 yesterday.

I put his shoes on the roof at the studio. He was always up there watching the sunset, especially on his birthday, as you know. If he's watching now, he's smiling.

I also got an order of carne asada nachos with salsa fresca, guacamole & sour cream from our local 24hr drive thru Mexican place, that's right across from that "D Street" place... definite Trav food.

Love you,

Mixey
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote toad Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 01 2010 at 9:20pm
      It's gotta be tough on you,Mixey...
   I wish there were words I could write to comfort
 you at this time. I have faith that you will be OK.Smile
 
 The best,
 toad 
Down, and nearly out in Detroit......
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 01 2011 at 4:52am
It's been 2 years yesterday, since Travis passed.

I went into a grocery store a few days ago, and there was a young man of about 25, checking groceries. He was a little lighter and a little taller than Travis, and his dreads were shorter and blond instead of brown. He had a sweetness in his eyes, and a helpful way that reminded me of my son. I had to fight off an overwhelming urge to hug him and thank him for existing.

As time goes on, there are more good and a few not so good experiences that we could have shared. Scenery has changed, but it hasn't been witnessed... or so I wonder.

At times, I entertain the viewpoint that a dream has given me a message, or a thought... and sometimes moments of creativity have come into being thanks to Trav. Just knowing my son for being who he was, has been inspiring and places a responsibility on me. Anything I do with him in mind, I do with a sense of his purpose in it.

Life and death are what we all have in common. How we individually interpret the meaning of it may be different, but we're all in it together regardless, which is a beautiful thing.

I want to thank all of you, who have been here for Mom and me. It's been a very difficult time.

I miss you Travis yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Love,
Mom
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jeff Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 01 2011 at 9:26am

Mixey,

I was struck by what you said... about how a dream has given you a
message or a thought.  I occasionally feel I'm experiencing a similar thing. 
 
These messages come through when I'm fully awake and usually by myself.
 
A random event. Something I'll glance at. Something I'll hear, or words
somebody else says will trigger something in me... something different,
a feeling that dawns on me. That kind of washes over me. And instantly
I feel like somebody is communicating.
 
I'm not a religious person in that I don't attend church. But I'm not so sure
that the deceased are ever very far from us. Perhaps one day if we get the
chance to meet and visit I'll tell you two stories that I suspect you'd find
fascinating, that speak to this phenomenon.
 
I like to think that Travis is indeed still close to you, and actively involved
with your life. It may be more than just wishful thinking.
 
 
Jeff
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 02 2011 at 9:56pm
I appreciate you sharing that Jeff... and thank you for your encouragement!

I know what you mean about the feeling that washes over you, while you're by yourself and completely awake. The messages come. Something leads you there, or just appears out of nowhere, but the feeling is very different than having a creative inspiration, or an epiphany, or problem solving.

The energy is coming from either a non-self-generated source... or maybe more realistically, a very self-generated desire to be plugged into a larger stream of knowledge.

At first I thought it was all heightened awareness, due to my increased anxiety, and maybe I was continually making up my own stories to help myself feel better.

Adopting unreality is a definite part of generating feel-good thoughts in amidst grief; but for me, I've always had an inordinate need to investigate, and the linear/scientific part of my make-up (that interferes with my creative flow at times), has also been helpful in reeling me in, when I get too far out there in fantasy land.

I'm aware that being involved in scientific analysis, also provides a good way of escaping grief... so it gets a little complicated when trying to evaluate the source of my "knowingness", along this subject.

I know you can relate to what I'm saying, being that you have a linear/non-linear way of viewing these "phenomenon" too.

Are we actually "in contact" with anyone who has passed on? What do we REALLY know?

All I know is that my son's death has changed him and it has changed me. I want my change to honor him.

How can a parent ever fully honor their child? It's impossible to do in this perfectly, in this imperfect condition of living!

I have so many transformations to try to make. I have so many flaws. I'm existing in a world of self-absorption, so that I can extrovert something better than my present self in his name. When I become absorbed in this kind of mission, that's when the messages come.

I'd love you hear your experiences with this sometime Jeff. I'm not religious either, in terms of actively subscribing to a belief system that has been established amidst bad behavior, wrapped up in holiness. The hypocrisy of it saddens me so much, that I don't want to participate in furthering these groups. I've tried.

I wish there was a real oneness that could be maintained in the world. I wish that people could feel more deeply, the hurt that's inflicted on someone else. At times it's so clear; and at other times I fu-ged-about-it.

If people could feel joy in another person's happiness, that would be a start. I've never had much difficulty with that one. Even with people who have been horrible towards me or my family... I'd rather hear good news about those people, than bad news. I might be angry that they can be so horrible in my direction in amidst their good favor, but feeling their joy still feels better to me than wishing them pain... although thoughts stuffing a few of them in the same trash can, has provided some solace at times.

Those are my thoughts for now.

Mixey
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote toad Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 03 2011 at 10:09am
        This sums up things and puts them in prospective
 better than I ever could. The spirit VS/ the physical.
     I believe in a universal good spirit that all of us
 are attracted to at some point in time.
 The last sentence in this video is a heavy one.
 
 
    A question to ponder:  Why is it that I found this
 video on Facebook today, and I took the time to
 view it? I think there was a reason.
 
 toad
 
Down, and nearly out in Detroit......
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gene_Leone_Mix Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 03 2011 at 7:07pm
Mixey,
As we have talked about so many times...
there no doubt, that Trav's presence is still, very much, right here with us.

~MuchLove,
Geno
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 04 2011 at 4:54am
Geno!!! Thank you for posting that picture!!

I was stalking Travis that day with my camera, while he was enjoying "the solitude", being on the lagoon. Trav was a camera stalker too. ... and come to think of it... you and Marty are the biggest camera stalkers of them all.

Toad!!! That Carl Sagan video "Pale Blue Dot" is FANTASTIC & INSPIRING!! Thank you so much for directing me there! I'm posting your link here, so the video plays in this thread. VERY COOL!


Toad... I have no idea how you found that yesterday on Facebook, but it would have been one that Trav would have loved!   I think you just experienced what Jeff and I have been posting about, especially that last sentence... OMG!:

"To live in the hearts we leave behind, is to never die" So beautiful!

Thank you so very much for this Toad. Can you believe the irony in that wording Geno?

Mixey
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 01 2011 at 12:49am
XO    OX
Mom
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote toad Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 01 2011 at 6:33am
    Thinking of you today, Mixey...Hug
 
 toad
Down, and nearly out in Detroit......
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gene_Leone_Mix Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 01 2011 at 8:55am
Last night. I took a break around sunset,
poured a fresh cup of coffee, and went out on the deck.

I wanted to spend a bit of quiet time, remembering Travis, and this is what I did ...reflecting on his life, his personality, his thoughts and beliefs, and those people whom Trav loved, and the lives he touched during his time upon this Planet.

I remembered Mixey telling me how Trav would very often climb up on the roof at Crest, take off his sneakers to watch and enjoy the sheer beauty of the California Sun... setting over the Pacific Ocean.

We should all watch sunsets more often.

I did this yesterday, toasting my cup of coffee to the Memory of Travis on his Birthday, wishing him well, wherever he might be.


I snapped this shot from the deck here a couple of days back before the Hurricane got here, and it immediately made me think of Travis.

So Trav... Happy Birthday... this one is for You.

               ~Geno
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dream207 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 01 2011 at 9:27am
BEAUTIFUL, Geno!!  And, Mixey, like Toad said, I'm thinking of you today...Hug
 
dream
http://cdbaby.com/cd/eugenepitt
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jeff Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 02 2011 at 6:30am
 
 
Mixey...
 
I'll be thinking of you two today. Didn't circle back to this thread until now.
 
 
 
 
 
Jeff
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 02 2011 at 2:53pm
WOW Geno! I can't believe that picture!!!!!! That's the sunset Travis loved so much! He would have LOVED seeing that from your deck. Thank you so much!!! I know this will sound nuts, but every year now on his birthday, I put his shoes on the roof.

Toad, Dream and Jeff... thank you for thinking about Trav. It's been a lonely road for the past 2 1/2 years. Mom and I miss him so much. He would have been 33 on August 31st. Not fair how this world treated him... as if it's fair for any of us, really, but it's truthful to say that he didn't deserve the treatment he received as a child and as a young adult. Thankfully, there are about 90% great memories to look at in his life, but that 10%, which overlaid it all, was literally a killer.

Trav's ex-girlfriend called my cell after 11 PM on his birth night. She said... "Hello, is Travis there?". I knew it was her; and I didn't have whatever it would take at the moment to talk with her, so I pretended not to hear her and I hung up. Travis died 3 days after his last contact with her (that I know of). 20 years difference between these 2. The manipulation started when he was 18 and she was 38. I'm still pretty angry with her. Additionally, Travis' father supposedly doesn't know his son is gone either. He's busy singing and playing gospel music all over. None of this makes sense. I'm giving myself a full 3 years of peace from these self-serving people. Then maybe I'll be feeling strong enough to address their bullshit.

Maybe I should write a Gospel song...

God is calling my cell phone
and I'm going to answer

I said God is calling my cell phone
and I'm going to answer

I can't talk about this journey
all by myself

DO da do doo do dooooo
DO da do doo do dooooo
DO da do doo do dooooo
DO da do doo do dooooo

Mixey
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jeff Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 02 2011 at 5:42pm
 
 
I hope you will feel strong enough to address these peoples' bullshit Mixey.
 
That'll go a long way toward helping you feel better. Trav will like it too.
 
 
 
 
Jeff
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 03 2011 at 2:14am
I agree on all accounts, Jeff.

Thank you for that.

Mixey
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dream207 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 03 2011 at 7:13am
DITTO what Jeff said.  The day will come, Mixey.Hug
 
dream
http://cdbaby.com/cd/eugenepitt
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 04 2011 at 2:18am
Thank you very much Dream.

Mixey
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