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Where Am I ?

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 31 2012 at 4:21pm
Thank you so much Geno! XOXOXO

My beautiful son would have been 34 today.

I'm going to Crest to put his shoes on the roof, and then I'm going to take the puppies for a walk right where that picture you posted was taken. Travis loved animals so much and he would have been so tickled with these fur balls with teeth. They are 4 months old now; and I'm turning Trav's room into a doggie and kitty room. He would love this idea!

After Baris and Amber get washed off back at Crest, I'm going to pick up some Carne Asada Nachos at the drive through, where Travis and I used to go.

Yesterday I turned over the pink slip to the Toyota pickup to our Gardener. Travis learned to drive in that truck and we had a lot of fun. I had to pay some fees at the DMV, before I could turn the pink slip over; so I made an appointment, and went there before meeting with Jose. I started crying at the DMV and it was hard to stop. Then I drove with the puppies over to where my son's apartment used to be, which is near the DMV, and walked the puppies all over. Then we drove onto the college campus up the street, where Travis learned to drive and where he went to school. It was a hard day.

Today, Mom had a CT/PET scan early this morning... a precautionary thing, and waiting for results now is difficult. I hope they'll call us by the end of the day, or it will be a difficult weekend for us. We went out to eat afterwards and then went home. Maybe she'll come with me tonight to the beach with the puppies. I hope so. It would be good for her. Travis was her only grandchild.

Love you always, my son.

XOXOMomXOXO
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 25 2012 at 4:26pm
Dear beautiful Travis,

I'm brokenhearted and I miss you so much today, this Christmas 2012.

I'm thankful that your Grandmother is alive and well and here with me, but my life is so very empty without you.

There's a kitty here too, who misses you I know; and now we have 2 very big puppies, that would have loved to have known you. Sometimes, I think they already do.

I love you my son.

Mom
xo
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 31 2013 at 3:22pm
Easter 2013, March 31st

Dear Son,

I've missed your living for these past 4 years so much, and at this potent time of year each year, I've re-lived the last hours and moments of your breath.

This past Tuesday night, I felt your presence so unexpectedly. I could almost see you in the seat next to me as I drove your grandmother's car. That passenger's seat is/was always reserved for her, when we are/were together, and I think I've only driven her car maybe 3 times alone. I asked if it was really you, and you answered me with an empowering feeling.

Thank you for this wonderful gift, Travis.
Thank you for letting me know you are here.
I'm very much with you, and there is work to do.
Your grandmother is here, and she loves you too.
Always and Forever,
Love You,
Mom
xo


For any of you reading this, I need to tell you again that yes, the grieving process continues to be a long and difficult road to travel. Everyone is different in how they handle it, I know.

I've gone through every emotion there is; but I'm thankful to have been able to take forgiveness with me through all of it. I never realized that you could feel more than one conflicting emotion at a time, but for me, that's what this trip has been. I've been angry at a great number of people in my son's life who caused him unneeded pain during his short 30 years; but the more powerful emotion I've experienced along with my anger has been forgiveness towards these same people. Forgiving feels like the only way I can resolve what happened and cause some good to come out of it.

I truly believe we are all one organism; and what we do to each other, we do to ourselves. Being forgiving of everyone, including myself, is necessary for me, but it doesn't make me feel any less broken hearted. I don't know if that will ever change.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gene_Leone_Mix Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 31 2013 at 7:33pm
Mixey,

Beautifully written words right from Your heart to Travis,
and to all of us reading this...
and some how I know,
that Trav is hearing
Your every word...



It is hard to imagine that He is now four years gone.
A lifetime of time, in the blink of an eye,
and yet, all at the same time.

Trav, we miss You. Rest in Peace.

Much Love To You Mixey, & to Your Mom,
~Geno
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gene_Leone_Mix Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 30 2013 at 11:13pm

Mixey,
Remembering Travis today on his birthday.

Mixey, MuchLove To You, to Your Mom, and to The Memory of Travis.
~Geno


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gene_Leone_Mix Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 31 2014 at 8:54pm
Mixey... I am so very glad 
to be working coast to coast 
with You 
on this very day, today
March 31st, 2014
on a very special project
in memory of a very special person
who is very very much
still right here with us in spirit.
Travis, Rest In Peace. 

Mixey, As Always, MuchLove To You, to Your Mom, and to The Memory of Travis
~Geno

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 31 2014 at 1:59pm
My son's shoes are on my roof and he's not in them.  They're now a home for leaves and spiders and whatnot, giving the birds something to investigate as they fly overhead.  I feel more comfortable knowing his shoes are still up there.

My son would have loved to have watched our big puppies playing in the yard.  He would have added his brilliant replays to the mix, and their spit, dirt and volume would have gotten tangled in his hair.  

There will be another red orange sunset tonight followed by mournful howling at the moon, as an intrusive helicopter circles. 

I miss you terribly Travis especially on this, your 36th birthday.

Love always,
Mom
XO

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gene_Leone_Mix Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 31 2014 at 9:59pm
Mixey,
As You know from our conversation earlier today,
'been thinking about Trav, and You, and Your Mom 
all weekend ... remembering 
that today would be Trav's 36th Birirthday.

I was wondering about Travis's shoes up on the roof...
Good to know that they are still up there at Crest, 
keeping watch for those beautiful sunsets.






Mixey, Much Love To You, Your Mom,
and To The Memory of Travis,
~Gene

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gene_Leone_Mix Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 31 2015 at 3:37pm
Mixey,
Remembering that today is Travis' Birthday.
and so I am sending positive thoughts of His memory
out into the Universe.
Much Love To You & Your Mom on this day. 
~Geno 


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gene_Leone_Mix Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 22 2015 at 5:16am
Mixey,

Mar, 
At this very moment, there are simply few words
more precious, or more comforting to remember
then these words...

She is now in a better place.
 
Mar, You have been a wonderful daughter, a close friend and a terrific, 
caring partner to Your Mom, over all of these years, 
through the good times and throughout all of her suffering, 
and I am so very, very sorry to hear of Your loss in the passing of Your Mom. 

Remember to focus on those good times, those many moments filled with love, 
laughter and the fun that You and Your Mom shared each and every day. 

As difficult as it is to write and read these words right now with respect to Your Mom... 
Her suffering has now ended, and She is now in a better place.  
May She Rest in Eternal Peace.

With Love and Respect to You, Mar,
~Geno



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 31 2016 at 6:35am
My dear son Travis,

I see you and I hear you and I feel you as though you haven't left, and yet I cry so much for my loss of you, and because you deserved so much more from this life.  

On this day 3/31/2016... it is 7 years since your passing.
Sometimes I wish I could know for sure that you are in a loving place, and that you have full knowledge of how happy and unhappy, insane and ridiculous, silly yet necessary the planet earth experience was and is for all of us. Sometimes I'm OK with not knowing anything. I'm never OK with wishing I could have been a better mother.

I love you forever Trav.
Mom HeartCryBroken HeartYing YangHugThumbs UpStarSmileClownLOLClapCryHug

Geno... Thank you for your friendship and kindness over these difficult years; and thank you for your words above for Mom.  On the 22nd, it was 6 months since Mom's passing.  My head is still in a whirl, and I don't know what I'm doing half of the time.  You understand on a very personal level; and I send love and respect to you and your family every day.

Mike and Susan... Thank you for your love and continuing emotional support.  Thank you for being here for me and for everything else that would take 1000 hours to write, or v-mail. 

Mixey

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 31 2016 at 10:28pm
Dear Travis,

You would have been 38 today, this Aug 31st, 2016.  Even though you left this earth when you were 30, I still cry when I see a baby, or hear a touching story of a child on TV.  I see your footprints everywhere.

Cry I miss you so much.  I hope you're in a safe and loving place.  I love you forever.

Mom
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 31 2017 at 1:02pm
Dear Son,

I'm sitting here in the little house crying because I miss you.  It's 8 years today that you've transitioned to somewhere. Cry

I love you Travis. Broken Heart
As always,
Mom
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 31 2017 at 9:07pm
Dear Geno,
I just heard your phone message.  Thank you for thinking about me and Travis.  It's late for you on the East coast, and you sounded spent 3 hours ago, so let's catch up later.  Both you and I are overloaded.  
We both need a good night sleep. Sleepy
Love you, Hug
Mixey           
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gene_Leone_Mix Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 31 2017 at 9:27pm
Hi Mixey.

Yes, I have been thinking about Travis all week,
and especially today... 
it is still hard to imagine that he is gone...  
Travis, Rest In Peace, where ever You are, right now,
and Mar, MuchLove To You in The Memory of Your Son ~ Geno






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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 31 2017 at 11:28pm
OMG Geno!!!!  THANK YOU!
Thank you for calling again. Really nice talking to you tonight, playing music and having fun.
Love you!  XO
Mixey
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gene_Leone_Mix Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 29 2017 at 10:44am
Mixey, 
 Remembering Travis as his memory lives on,
 and thinking of You, 
 and that his birthday is in just a few days...
Sending positive thoughts and much love...

Travis, Rest in Peace
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 29 2017 at 11:31pm
Geno,
Thank you so much my friend. In the middle of going through so much family responsibility in your own world, you still took time to remember my sweet Travis. It doesn't get easier year after year. Every time I see a baby or interact with a nice young man, my heart cries. Travis would have been 38 this year. I joined a grief group, because after losing Mom and missing her so much, it's like I just lost my son too all over again. David Kessler is very helpful to those of us who are grieving. It helps to remember that all of us on this planet are in it together in this regard. Travis I love you my son.
XO as always and forever,
Mom
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 06 2018 at 4:08am
Dear Son,
It's been 9 years without you now. On March 31st I bought a pizza... from the place we used to go down the street from the warehouse. As I ate, I cried myself into a sinus headache. It doesn't get any easier as time passes. Even the moon was blue.
I miss you so much.
Love always and forever.
Mom XO
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