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The Video

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Johnny Joe View Drop Down
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Joined: Feb 02 2009
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    Posted: Jul 05 2011 at 6:52pm
So, it has been a while since I've poked around and stuck anything new here. We have been at half way busy in the Heart N Soul band. When you get a chance go and view our video for the song "This Cold Desire" on youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/user/heartnsoulband?blend=23&ob=5

I am quite pleased with the results. The music was recorded July 10, 2009 at Jay's Place Studio in Nashville, TN. a project still not quite completed. There is another one there for "The Drive" which is just a video of us recording that song. Not to bad a sound considering that we had not added the dobro and background vocals yet.

It was quite an emotional day in Elijay, GA where we recorded the video for "This Cold Desire". Our singer Cindy Sauer's husband took his own life and we did this in memory of James and dedicated it to suicide prevention.

I hope you enjoy it

JJ
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John Joseph
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Joined: Apr 05 2007
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2011 at 5:06pm
Sad ending Johnny Joe. I feel for all of you. I lost my son in 2009.

Beautiful song and production.

Putting it up here so it plays in this thread:


Love this!


Thanks for sharing your world here.

Much Love,
Mixey
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Johnny Joe View Drop Down
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Joined: Feb 02 2009
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Johnny Joe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2011 at 8:42pm
The first time I viewed this John Scott our leader and song writer had received this finished copy and telephoned me to come over and see it. When I arrived they had already viewed it at least once. I sat and could NOT keep my composure. I'm afraid that I a big baby to start with. James had been calling me a few weeks before his tragic demise. I struggled for a bit a while about this, feeling I had blown Jim off or something. He and Cindy had separated and he wanted information about what she was doing. Then she would call me and ask me what he wanted. I asked them to take me out the middle. I was the first person she called when the end came, and I called some of her family to take over. I don't know how you tell these things. I am currently looking into Luther Rice Seminary and University for Biblical Counseling Major. It seems God keeps putting individuals in my path that seem to want to pour their hearts out to me. I hope this didn't stir up things to much for you Mixey. God Bless You.
John Joseph
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 07 2011 at 6:11am
OMG! So you were in the middle of all of it and they were each speaking through you to each other! ... and then you got the call! WOW... I understand and feel for you... and apart from what I experienced with my son, I understand this as well. A guy killed himself the day after we had had a long talk about his relationship. Somehow he needed me as a spiritual witness.

When a person is in such a low condition, and yet is still communicating, it's hard in retrospect to think that it was impossible to find the right coordinates to help that person. In addition, somehow the final blow in these situations always seems to include a kind of blow-off that we end up absorbing as our fault, when it's not. In the case of the guy who killed himself, he wanted to go out with me. I rejected him. We had met in a surreal situation, on an Island, where we were both working.

It's very common for people who are in a dying condition, to set up a senareo with one or more people, who will give them whatever personal permission they need to end their pain. Blow-offs are many times a gift we've been asked to give without our permission, if that makes sense. It's an unfair use of sensitive, empathetic and caring persons, to use them in this way; but it's an act of desperation for these people to die; and many times they have to use their friends and family to accomplish it. Death by cop is a more violent but also similar version of this.

It's very difficult to help someone who feels they are dead already, especially when you're not in the position of one who can help change the face of their life. As a caring friend or family member, it's almost impossible to believe there isn't something we could have done; but it sounds to me like that's most likely the truth for what you experienced.

I know as a mother, I was at a disadvantage to help my son as an adult. He attached too much of his identity to his relationship with his girlfriend. Without being able to change that perception quickly, there's no way he could have survived. He was basically living in pain, without his heart.

I've asked myself... how does anyone get someone's heart back? Did someone steal his heart... or did he willingly give it away?

The struggle I feel as a mother, is that I know that I didn't protect my son enough before he was born. I caused his base to be weak, by giving him a father, who was not a good father. That's why I feel he was willing to give his heart away so easily as a adult; but maybe that has little to do with it at all. I don't know; but I sure see my faults and mistakes and feel every other regret a parent could feel in looking back. Then I have to look at all of the good things I added to his life too, or I will want to end it as well, which wouldn't honor his existence at all.

Your friend who took his life had issues from a long time ago that have nothing to do with your recent communication with him. Those issues may have been less apparent if he had made different choices maybe, but as you already know, we have to trust that there are higher reasons why the picture had to be painted this way.

Blame isn't an ultimately satisfying activity, whether it's blaming oneself or others. Learning from situations, and finding more compassion and tolerance is more satisfying and productive. If you're finding a call within yourself to follow along these lines, then I think you should follow that call. It's definitely not easy. My pendulum swings so far in both directions that it scares me sometimes; but I don't think it's possible for me to be high on love, without facing the dark side too now and then, which everyone here on Soulful Planet is aware.

Thanks for sharing what went on. I'm sorry about your friend.
Much Love,
Mixey
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Johnny Joe View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Johnny Joe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 07 2011 at 9:30am
I always was support and friendship as much as he let me be. He didn't come out to hear Cindy sing because these are mostly bar gigs. James was a reformed alcoholic. When he came out I would sit with him on breaks and drink coffee and we would laugh about stuff. Thanks for your insight. James was scary... he was a tough looking biker, our first meeting he grabbed me an hugged me and called me brother John.... scared the HELL outta me for a moment. ROFLOL!! These are the good things.

John Joseph
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote M I X E Y Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 07 2011 at 9:48am
I'm glad you have good memories of your friend. Must have been a cool guy in many ways.

Mixey
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